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All Or Nothing

Lately, I have been talking to a lot of people who have this all or nothing mindset going, and I get it I have been there too. It’s like, if we can’t run a marathon right out of the gate, why bother lacing up our sneakers at all, Sound familiar?

But here’s a little nugget of wisdom: life doesn’t have to be about grand gestures or going whole hog all the time. It’s those little steps that can lead to big adventures, even if they’re baby steps!

Take exercise, for instance. So you can’t fit in that hour-long sweat sesh? No biggie! Why not take a brisk walk instead? Your body (and your mind) will thank you for it. And when it comes to eating right, if whipping up gourmet health meals every day feels like a pipe dream, why not just start with a wholesome breakfast? Baby steps, remember?

Now, onto career dreams and hobbies. Have you ever dreamt of switching lanes career-wise but felt like you needed to dive in headfirst to make it count? This was and sometimes still is me. But we can just dip our toes in, start learning, and dabble on the side. Transformation doesn’t always have to be a 180—sometimes, a little pivot is all you need.

Here’s a fun example: I have this friend, a brilliant musician, who dreamed of starting her own band. But, you know, life’s busy. Between her job and endless home projects, she thought it would never happen. So, I tossed an idea her way: why not just jam with some folks once in a while? No need for a full-blown concert schedule—just getting together to make some music could be enough. And guess what? It clicked! Now she has been building an African music and dance troupe with the time she has, and is super happy that she finally took that step instead of just thinking about it.

And it’s not just about music. Love photography but can’t find the time to hit the streets for that perfect shot? Start with what you’ve got around you. Snap some adorable pics of your pets or family. Then, maybe once in a blue moon, take your camera on a date and see what you can capture.

The gist is, don’t let that all-or-nothing attitude hold you hostage. Whether it’s a hobby you want to explore or a new skill you’re itching to learn, start small. You don’t have to leap; just tiptoe if that’s what works for you. Because if you keep waiting for the ‘perfect time,’ guess what? It’ll never come, and you’ll be kicking yourself wondering, “Why did I wait so long?”

Examples:

Here are some classic examples to illustrate how this mindset can manifest in various aspects of life, which one of these have you caught yourself thinking?

Fitness and Health:

All-or-Nothing Thought: “If I can’t work out for an hour every day, there’s no point in exercising at all.”

Reality: Even a short walk or a quick 10-minute workout can be beneficial for your health.

Dieting and Eating Habits:

All-or-Nothing Thought: “I ate a piece of cake, so my diet is ruined for the day. I might as well eat whatever I want now.”

Reality: One indulgence doesn’t undo the balance of a generally healthy diet, and you can always choose to make healthier decisions with your next meal.

Work and Productivity:

All-or-Nothing Thought: “If I can’t finish this entire project today, I’m a total failure.”

Reality: Progress is made step by step, and completing part of a task is better than not starting at all.

Relationships and Social Interactions:

All-or-Nothing Thought: “If my partner and I can’t agree on everything, we must have a bad relationship.”

Reality: Disagreements are a normal part of healthy relationships, and compromise is key to resolving conflicts.

Personal Goals and Ambitions:

All-or-Nothing Thought: “If I can’t achieve my dream career right now, I’ll never be successful.”

Reality: Career paths often involve a series of steps and progressions, and it’s okay to start small or adjust your path as you go.

Learning and Skill Development:

All-or-Nothing Thought: “If I’m not immediately good at this new hobby, I should just give up.”

Reality: Skills take time to develop, and everyone starts as a beginner.

Mental Health and Emotions:

All-or-Nothing Thought: “If I’m not happy all the time, there must be something wrong with me.”

Reality: It’s normal to experience a range of emotions, and feeling sad or upset sometimes doesn’t mean you’re not generally a happy person.

Self-Improvement:

All-or-Nothing Thought: “If I can’t transform my life completely, then there’s no point in trying to change anything.”

Reality: Small, incremental changes often lead to substantial long-term improvements.

By recognizing and challenging these all-or-nothing thoughts, you can adopt a more balanced and forgiving approach to various aspects of life, which can lead to greater satisfaction and well-being.

Action steps:

To overcome the all-or-nothing mindset, you can follow these practical steps to cultivate a more flexible and forgiving approach to thinking and decision-making:

Awareness: Begin by recognizing when you’re engaging in all-or-nothing thinking. Notice situations where your thought patterns are absolute and lack nuance.

Challenge Your Thoughts: Question the validity of your all-or-nothing thoughts. Ask yourself, “Is it really true that if I can’t do this perfectly, it’s not worth doing at all?” Look for shades of gray rather than seeing everything in black and white.

Develop Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. Practice self-compassion by speaking to yourself like you would to a good friend.

Journaling: Write about your experiences with all-or-nothing thinking and how they affect your emotions and decisions. Journaling can provide insights into patterns you might want to change.

By implementing these steps, you can learn to appreciate the complexities of life and avoid the pitfalls of all-or-nothing thinking, leading to a more balanced, productive, and satisfying life. So, let’s shake off those shackles of perfection and extreme thinking. Embrace the little moments, the small efforts, and watch how they can transform your life, step by teeny-tiny step. Go on, give it a whirl and see where those small steps take you!